The Struggle of Letting Go in a Mediocre Relationship

I see this pattern often in my therapy office—people who aren’t deeply unhappy in their relationship, but aren’t truly fulfilled either. They’re not heartbroken. They’re not in crisis. They’re just… stuck.

In today’s dating world, this often shows up as situationships: connections that look like relationships but never quite become one. There’s companionship, consistency, and emotional intimacy—yet no clarity, commitment, or shared vision for the future.

And that’s what makes letting go so hard. When something is almost enough, walking away can feel more painful than staying.

When “Good Enough” Becomes the Trap

A mediocre relationship doesn’t usually feel bad all the time. In fact, there may be moments of closeness, laughter, and genuine care. That’s what makes it confusing. You tell yourself:

• “It’s not perfect, but no relationship is.”
• “At least I’m not alone.”
• “Maybe it will grow into more.”

Over time, though, many people begin to notice a quiet ache beneath the surface—a sense that they’re holding back parts of themselves, waiting for something that may never arrive, or even a sense of loneliness.

The question becomes less about whether the relationship is working and more about what it’s costing you to stay.

Option One: Be Honest If You’re Choosing to Stay As-Is

If you decide to remain in a situationship or undefined relationship, the most important thing you can do is be honest—with yourself first.

Ask yourself: Am I actually okay with this staying exactly as it is?

If the answer is yes, then staying requires boundaries and self-respect, not hope that the other person will change. Some grounding rules to consider:

• Don’t date exclusively if there is no mutual commitment. Protect your ability to explore connections that align with what you want.
• Maintain a full life outside the relationship. Invest in friendships, hobbies, goals, and routines that don’t revolve around them.
• Stop asking for clarity they’ve already avoided giving. Repeatedly seeking definition can quietly erode your self-worth when the answer remains unchanged.

This isn’t about punishing yourself—it’s about choosing realism over emotional limbo.

Option Two: Acknowledge When They Are Not Interested in More

One of the most painful but freeing steps is acknowledging what someone is actually offering—not what you hope they might offer someday.

If a person consistently avoids conversations about the future, commitment, or deeper emotional investment, it’s important to take that information seriously. Living in denial often looks like:

• Interpreting mixed signals as hidden potential
• Believing time, patience, or love will change their capacity
• Minimizing your own needs to keep the connection intact

Hope can be a beautiful thing—but when it keeps you stuck, it can also become a form of self-abandonment.

Why Letting Go Feels So Hard

Letting go of a mediocre relationship often means grieving possibility, not just the person. You’re releasing the version of the relationship you imagined—the one where things finally clicked, deepened, or became mutual.

There’s also fear underneath:

• Fear of being alone
• Fear that this is “as good as it gets”
• Fear of starting over

These fears are human. They don’t mean you’re weak—they mean you’re attached, and attachment is powerful.

Choosing Yourself Is Not a Failure

Walking away from something that isn’t bad can feel harder than leaving something clearly harmful. But choosing yourself doesn’t require a dramatic breaking point. Sometimes clarity is enough.

A fulfilling relationship doesn’t leave you constantly managing expectations, minimizing your needs, or waiting for someone to meet you where you already are.

If you find yourself stuck between settling and leaving, therapy can be a supportive space to sort through that ambivalence—without pressure, judgment, or ultimatums. You don’t have to decide everything at once. You just have to start listening to what you already know.

If this resonates, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate it on your own. Please reach out. You don’t have to feel emotionally stuck forever.

‍

About

Carissa Lataillade is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Santa Clarita, CA. She is passionate about helping people navigate seasons of change, loss, and healing with compassion and honesty. Through her writing, therapy practice, and speaking engagements, Carissa creates spaces where people can show up as they are and begin to rebuild with hope.

If you would like to connect for therapy or to invite Carissa to speak at your event, please visit PaladinMFT.com/contact.

‍